Avenue of the Middle Americas

Posin' on a Sunday Afternoon

Remember how on the cover of “Highlights” magazine one was encouraged to get out a pen and circle all the irregulatrities? I would encourage you to get out a Sharpie and circle all the things in this picture that let you know we got ourselves some posin’ tourists.

How many can you count? List below…

photo credit:  Jacki

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13 Comments on “Avenue of the Middle Americas”

  1. Stephanie Says:

    1. Everyone in the photo is overweight
    2. They are holding Hersey & M&Ms shopping bags
    3. Girl second from left has a Coach bag (not totally incriminating, but still)
    4. Jeans are the wrong color (sorry, it’s true)
    5. They are posing in front of some giant butt plugs.

  2. Aaron Goldfarb Says:

    Splendid job, Stephanie, I wholeheartedly agree with all your points and think there may even be a few other ticky tack things to circle.

    Ah yes, come to NYC and visit our fabulous butt plug district.

  3. Tony Says:

    All of my findings relate to the behemouth #1 on the left.

    1. Hoops earings larger than her head.
    2. You can barely see it, but the black (no doubt short sleeved) t-shirt, showing her white trash.
    3. But most importantly, a tight waist hugging coat, elastic, when one has a fucking humongous ass, that rides up an inch per avenue walked.

  4. Aaron Goldfarb Says:

    Yeah, those hoop earrings are brutal.

  5. Stephanie Says:

    Ok, I can’t believe I missed these additional things:

    1. Dad wearing a Carhartt jacket in public when not working at a construction site
    2. Dad also wearing fleece headband for ear protection
    3. Mom wearing ‘cross-body’ purse for protection against muggers

  6. Aaron Goldfarb Says:

    1 and 2. Stephanie, call me crazy, but which one is the “dad”? It looks like two adult women to me. I really can’t tell the gender of either of the two adults on the far right. Is that fleece headbanded human really male? I’m so confused.

    3. Yup. Nothing sexier than a “cross-body” purse acting as a divider for two saggy triple-Ds.

  7. Stephanie Says:

    I know, I had the same problem. The person second from right may very well be a woman- we don’t really know. I admit that I may have relied on some gender stereotypes to identify her/him. The bald head, construction worker jacket, warm-up pants and Oakleys don’t necessarily equal a dude.

  8. Aaron Goldfarb Says:

    I’m gonna go out on a major limb here, Stephanie, but first let me apologize if I offend any one. And by “any one” I mean homosexuals, not tourists. Is it possible these are two Midwestern dyke tourists? “My Two Moms: Arkansas Edition”????

  9. Stephanie Says:

    Well Aaron, I was actually leaning in that direction, but I didn’t want to offend. My thought was, ‘Mom’s mid-life crisis butch girlfriend’. Butch by comparison, that is. Almost every woman over 40 has that mom haircut in the Midwest. I spent 24 years living in the Chicago suburbs and have some observational experience in Midwestern hair styles and traditional dress.

  10. Aaron Goldfarb Says:

    Alright, then it’s settled. My god those are some butch women.

    I look forward to you continuing to add your insight as to Midwestern “mom” hair and traditional dress. Thanks!

  11. Allyson Says:

    The “cross-body” purse technique is one of my favorites; I still cannot convince my mother to NOT do this when she comes to visit.

    Am I the only one who believes the “parent” in question is a woman with slicked-back, bleachy-blond hair with a pouffy ponytail? I think it sort of looks like a faux-fur hoodie, but I doubt that is now an option for Carhartt jackets.

  12. Aaron Goldfarb Says:


    Stephanie and I have studied this picture like the Zapruder film so glad you have joined in on the discussion.

    I too, at one point, thought it might be exactly what you’ve described–slicked back hair with a poodle pony tail puff. It’s so hard to say.

    I am pretty convinced that these are two lesbian mothers though.

  13. Wendiwolf Says:

    I can’t tell. I’m bringing a friend in on this.
    But I think it’s a DAD- look at the pants- all of the rest of them are in pants they grew out of years ago.
    But I can’t for the life of me figure out if that’s a pet squirrel riding around on his neck or WHAT?
    I dunno

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