Tourist Talk

Just fifteen minutes ago, your humble narrator found himself trying to exit the Whole Foods at Columbus Circle.  In front of him walked two ambling fortysomething tourists who had obviously accidentally found themselves in the organic and natural food megachain.  As we approached the escalators up and out of the store, we found them broken, now simply acting as  stairs.  The two tourists stood at the “on-ramp” to the non-moving escalator, holding up busy New Yorkers as they stared at them forlornly.

TOURIST MAN:  “They’re broken.  Should I get the manager?”

TOURIST WOMAN:  “Naw.  Let’s just go find the elevator.”

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13 Comments on “Tourist Talk”

  1. Metromarche Says:

    A- I really dig this site, such a guilty pleasure…
    Keep up the good work, and post more pics!
    With the Kaleidoscope Light Show now going on at Grand Central, there is plenty of additional material, if you ever wander out of Times Square…
    Also, will your focus be primarily on Midwestern tourists
    or will it extend to foreign as well?

    • Aaron Goldfarb Says:

      Thanks, Metromarche! No need to feel guilty though!

      Tell me more about the Kaleidoscope Light Show. I rarely get over to the east side.

      I have no problem lampooning tourists of any ilk. Oh, and please feel more than free to send me any funny pics of tourists you get. I will definitely post them.

  2. Metromarche Says:

    What can I say? Other than the “deer in the headlights” drove of visitors whenever the damn show starts (every half hour) which stops them in their tracks, no matter where they happen to be standing, it’s a sheer delight navigating through this during rush hour! Happy Holidays!
    http://grandcentralterminal.com/go/mallEvents.cfm?eventID=2145357337

    • Aaron Goldfarb Says:

      Holy hell, how have I not heard of this?!

      My god, I’m not sure if I hate myself enough to venture over there to see what surely is a shit show par excellence.

      But thanks for the tip!

  3. the guy who just walked into you Says:

    These damn tourists don’t understand that GCT in addition to being a “mall”/ museum is a fully functional COMMUTER TRAIN TERMINAL.

    Penn Station (LIRR Concourse) is a shit-hole compared to GCT but this is actually a good thing. You’ll never see lots of random out of town/state/country tourists wondering about. Id rather be in a small, cramp, ugly station then be surrounded by mindless tourists.

    Official info about the light show:

    http://grandcentralterminal.com/go/mallEvents.cfm?eventsOnly=1&eventID=2145357337

    • Aaron Goldfarb Says:

      That’s true. Penn Station may be despicable aesthetically and from a dining perspective (Roy Rogers? Seriously?!) but at least tourists are never there.

  4. Woody Says:

    Been loving the blog, but your whole “after picking up $5 organic TV dinners at an Upper West Side megaopolis Whole Foods” angle is pretty douchy. What next humble blogster, Midwesterners taking too long at the fish counter at Zabar’s?

    • Aaron Goldfarb Says:

      You got me there, Woody. Full disclosure though, the only reason I go to Whole Foods ever is for their sublime beer selection. I’m not so douchey and my dinners are usually pretty normal and humble.

      And I try to avoid Zabar’s at all times…an absolute shit show of slow-moving old UWS Jews just like my grandparents. A blog could easily be created about the utter inhumanity of that place.

  5. amm002 Says:

    As Mitch Hedberg said…”An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”

    • Aaron Goldfarb Says:

      Dude, you don’t know how close I was to referencing Hedberg in this post! I thought it was just too obscure though. NICE!

  6. amm002 Says:

    He’s my idol. I try to rip off his lines every chance I get.

  7. Aaron Goldfarb Says:

    Died too young.

  8. amm002 Says:

    Very true. I have a recording of his last show here in the Twin Cities. Can hardly make out what he’s saying he’s so out of it.


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