Archive for the ‘Misc.’ category

Suicide Tourism?

March 18, 2009

Out-of-towners traveling to New York City specifically to commit suicide have accounted for 5.3 percent of city suicides and more than 10 percent of all Manhattan suicides since 1990, according to a new research study.

That’s funny, I’d rather be dead than forced to visit most other cities in America.

It’s Buffoon Day…

March 17, 2009

In Midtown NYC.

Please, do not leave the house under any circumstance unless you enjoy seeing drunken morons “woohoo”ing and vomiting.

Sorry…

February 11, 2009

I fucking hate when bloggers apologize for a recent paucity of posts, but I’m going to do that right here.

I do apologize, the last two weeks I’ve been insanely busy with other writing and blogging projects and my inveterate dipsomania, but I will have a flurry of tourist stuff in the near future.  The weather is getting warmer, the Burlington Coat factory jackets are being replaced by hooded sweatshirts promoting the state college the tourist didn’t actually go to but nevertheless still roots for, and I will be back out getting pictures and posting pithy captions soon enough.

And, as always, (Robert Stack voice) if you or anyone you know sees tourist tomfoolery, please, don’t approach them, but simply listen to their conversations, take pictures of them, and send those  in to me:

nyctourists@gmail.com

Caio.

A Tourist Would Never Dare Fall Asleep…

January 22, 2009

….on the subway.  But these sleepyheads did!

A great site!

Oy Vey

January 21, 2009

PRESS RELEASE:

MAYOR BLOOMBERG AND NYC & COMPANY UNVEIL STATE-OF-THE-ART INFORMATION CENTER AND LAUNCH NYCGO.COM TO HELP RESIDENTS AND VISITORS EXPLORE AND ENJOY NEW YORK CITY

Great.  I live a block from this fucking place.

TOURIST THREAT LEVEL

January 12, 2009

Good Monday morning fellow New Yorkers.  This week’s Tourist Threat Level is a placid:

BLUE (Guarded)

threat_levels

Still just a couple of weeks after the intense holiday season, most tourists are still low on discretionary income and therefore  not traveling to NYC.  Plus, there ain’t no big, giant tree to look at any more!  And, the savvier off-peak travelers have been forced indoors due to the painfully frigid weather outside, thus incapable of getting in my way, forced to stay in their hotel rooms gorging on room service and PPV pornography.

Remember NYCers, we may be safe now, but the tourism threat level can always quickly jump — and will — enjoy the tranquility while you can!

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

January 7, 2009

Yahoo Real Estate ranked NYC #1 best place to live…and #1 WORST place to live.

New York topped both lists because the city has much to offer — such as entertainment, Central Park, and great public transportation — but people pay and sacrifice much to experience it, such as high rent, cramped subways and long suburban commutes.

On this absolute downpour of a day, after having gotten soaked from my shoes to my thighs–in only five minutes of being outside as I tried to navigate around fatass tourists using golf umbrellas bigger than most restaurants’ awnings–I will agree that, yes, this is the worst place in the world to live.

For Christ’s sake, is it too much to ask tourists to, for once, add some giddy-up to their step when it’s pouring outside?!